Get in early

The Edinburgh Fringe Festival online ticket booking system has suffered from extreme technical problems this week and hasn’t been able to start selling any tickets yet. Fear not, there is a way to ensure your place for our ultra limited spaces this August.

You can secretly buy tickets here ahead of the official box office opening on Monday, beating any non-warlocks who don’t visit this blog to a place.

Now go forth and book so you don’t end up looking as disappointed as this guy…

All the Pretty Things

Thanks to the people who have sent us nice things! We can’t post all of them here but we would like to give a special mention to the ever faithful Magick Mel. She has created these images that can be used as wallpapers and backgrounds. She is also the curator of Barry and Stuart: Thee Fansite and it constantly amazes me how she finds pictures that neither of us remember having taken, or even knew existed.

The black and white picture, for example, confused me for several minutes before I finally remembered where it had been snapped.

An Experiment

My house lies at the side of a curved shaped road. I usually take route A to get from the station to my house on foot but I thought that due to the width of the road and the long curve would it actually be shorter and therefore quicker to cross the road and take route B to my house. The only way I can find out for sure is to put it to rigorous scientific testing.

Aim: To see which of two routes is quicker to my house from the train station.

Method: I shall walk both routes counting the number of footsteps and timing the journey using the second hand on my wristwatch.

Results: My normal route A is 423 steps and took 4 minutes and 7 seconds to complete whereas route B took 391 steps and took 3 minutes and 48 seconds to complete.

Conclusion: The results of my experiment proved two things:

1. Route B is shorter and quicker, therefore route B is now how I will walk from my house to the station. If I have to wait a total of 19 seconds for cars before crossing the road though, then I may as well have taken the old route.
2. I truly am a geek.

Barry and Stuart: The Cartoon

The talented Yazmyn has created another cartoon in her “Mini Magicians” series featuring us.

I’d say that is a fairly accurate portrayal of our daily existence.

Also on YouTube, electronifilm has made a quirky tutorial video that teaches you his wacky take on how to perform one of our tricks.

Such an Arsewipe

Personality deficient Scarlett Johansson has attempted to make a cover album which is released today. Taking it’s title from a song off the truly marvellous album Rain Dogs, “Anywhere I lay my Head” consists entirely of Tom Waits covers.

The fact that she can’t sing will only be the beginning of your frustration in listening to this album. Not content in sucking all soul and meaning form these great songs, Scarlett, whose vocals are so low in the mix it’s as if they’ve been recorded on a walkman, somehow manages to twist the melancholy, broken down and wandering-lost central theme of Waits’ career into a vacuous vanity project.

Here’s the video for Falling down, which contains some inspired imagery to go with the reworked classic such as Scarlett having her hair done, Scarlett having her make up done and Scarlett blowing some bubble gum on a bus…

5 Celebs We’d Love to Ambush with our Violent Magic

Doing magic shows for television has meant that we sometimes get to perform our illusions for real celebrity guests (although, technically, sawing a woman in half is murder up until the point you put the halves back together again. )

Here is a list of the top 5 UK celebrities that, given the opportunity, we would love to ambush with our violent guerilla magic.

5. Piers Morgan

It’s the totally unqualified “Britain’s got Talent” judge Piers Morgan, or as ‘Private Eye’ magazine refer to him “Piers Moron”. For someone who claims to be an authority on talent and celebrity, he seems to be making his talent and reason for becoming a celebrity simply being unable to get along with people.

The Illusion:

He is strapped down on a large red X. Read more

Be Careful What you Wish for…

Anyone who remembers the film series “The Wishmaster” might remember that you really should be careful what you wish for because you will get it in the most gory and horrific way.

Stuart’s money might just make its way back into his pocket through an elaborate system of razor wires, hooks and other dodgy special effects.

Tom Waits – Glitter and Doom

It’ll be the best gig you’ll go to in your life. Here are some highlights from the Tom Waits press conference which details his route through the US and alludes to him touring Europe, from Spain to Dublin.

More updates on his website tomwaits.com

EVIL ADVERTISING

I find it fairly offensive whenever TV tries to muscle in on the great community that is the population of the internet. It fundamentally changes the power structure. The internet is a great leveller, where each of us has a voice. Whether or not we get listened to is another matter.

However, more offensive than television getting in on the 2.0 action, is the scrotum sweat advertisers ripping a testicle off the genuinely inventive internet populous. Have a look at the new TV advert for the “ fun, healthy way to get more vitamins” Berocca…

Clearly a total rip of the OKGO video, Here is Goes Again. Did they pay for it? And does that make it okay even if they did. Lets let the Demigod Bill Hicks have the final word…

Takin’ the Piss

While you were dreaming about who to vote for in the London mayoral elections I got up extra early, travelled in the extravagant atmos of the underground tube and pissed in your London water.

Hope you enjoyed your breakfast tea muthafuckas.

And, whatever you do, don’t vote for Boris.